{"id":5715,"date":"2015-06-11T23:11:43","date_gmt":"2015-06-12T03:11:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/aspire-canada.com\/?p=5715"},"modified":"2017-02-19T11:47:36","modified_gmt":"2017-02-19T16:47:36","slug":"9-things-you-shouldnt-say-to-someone-in-debt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aspire-canada.com\/?p=5715","title":{"rendered":"9 Things You Shouldn\u2019t Say to Someone in Debt"},"content":{"rendered":"

9 Things You Shouldn\u2019t Say to Someone in Debt<\/h2>\n
\n

\"how<\/p>\n

Do you know someone who is in debt? It wouldn\u2019t be surprising if you do. About a third of Americans with a credit file have debt in collections, according to a 2014 report by Urban Institute<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Whether this person asks you for financial advice or the topic of his debt surfaces in some other fashion, he might be sensitive about the subject. Matters of money and debt are often associated with personal, emotional concerns. You\u2019ll want to be tactful in your discussion to avoid making matters worse. Here are nine things you shouldn\u2019t say to someone in debt.<\/p>\n

1. \u201cEveryone has debt.\u201d<\/h3>\n

Someone seeking to pay off his debt doesn\u2019t care whether everyone else has this problem, said Cherie Lowe, blogger at QueenofFree.net and author of \u201cSlaying the Debt Dragon: How One Family Conquered Their Money Monster and Found an Inspired Happily Ever After.\u201d Also, this statement doesn\u2019t offer any useful advice.<\/p>\n

\u201cBeing dismissive and suggesting that someone should either borrow more or spend money that they don\u2019t have simply because everyone else does is not helpful,\u201d said Lowe.<\/p>\n

What to say instead: <\/strong>Instead of minimizing the situation, Lowe suggested that you should \u201ccommend any efforts your friend has put toward paying off debt or just plain commiserate if you have a debt load yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019d rather have someone who walks the road with us than someone who boos from the sidelines,\u201d said Lowe.<\/p>\n

Related: What Not To Say to Someone Who Just Lost Their Job<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

2. \u201cJust put the expense on your credit card.\u201d<\/h3>\n

Amanda Argue, a certified public accountant<\/a>, said that when she was in debt, someone told her to just put something on her credit card because \u201cyou will probably pay it back later.\u201d If you offer this advice, she said, you would be encouraging the debtor to take on more debt instead of trying to help him solve his problem. She especially recommended not encouraging college students, millennials and those who already have this kind of debt to increase it.<\/p>\n

What to say instead: <\/strong>Argue recommended discussing this person\u2019s level of debt and offering examples of how to get out of debt. She also said a person should wait until he has enough cash available before purchasing the item.<\/p>\n

3. \u201cDid you really think it was a good idea to spend that much?\u201d<\/h3>\n

This comment suggests that the indebted individual is irresponsible with his money. But if you\u2019re hoping saying this will lead this person to stop spending so carelessly<\/a>, it might have the opposite effect.<\/p>\n

\u201cAny comments fraught with blame or irresponsibility only serve to drive the debtor toward their drug of choice: overspending to support an underlying belief that they are unworthy,\u201d said Nancy B. Irwin, PsyD, C.Ht., who treats various addictions and behavioral issues at the Seasons Recovery Center in Malibu, Calif.<\/p>\n

What to say instead: <\/strong>Irwin believes that support will be helpful to this person. She recommended saying the following:<\/p>\n

\u201cI know you can manage this. I trust you to handle this. You are a responsible person and\u00a0know where help is available: Debtors Anonymous, Shopaholics Anonymous \u2014 both free \u2014 [and] numerous books and online resources to deal with the issue.\u201d<\/p>\n

4. \u201cI have a lot of money saved and I\u2019m going to keep it that way.\u201d<\/h3>\n

Chantay Bridges, a realtor and coach in Los Angeles, suggested not telling someone in debt about how much you have saved, particularly if it might sound like bragging.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou may come off pompous, as if you have never faced trouble yourself,\u201d said Bridges.<\/p>\n

What to say instead: <\/strong>Bridges offered an alternative that wouldn\u2019t sound so snooty to the debtor. Her advice is to say the following:<\/p>\n

\u201cEveryone\u2019s situation is different. Let\u2019s see what\u2019s draining your resources and create some new money-saving habits. We could order your credit report, clean it up, get rid of high-interest credit cards and keep it up until things are going better.\u201d<\/p>\n

Related<\/em>: Paying Off Debt? How to Avoid Burning Out<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

5. \u201cIt\u2019s just one dinner\/vacation\/pair of jeans. You deserve it.\u201d<\/h3>\n

Lowe suggested not saying this to someone who has a lot of debt, noting that this person \u201ccan be weak of resolve.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe temptation of going out or spending money that you don\u2019t have is already heavy enough without someone else encouraging you to dig a deeper hole for yourself,\u201d said Lowe.<\/p>\n

What to say instead: <\/strong>\u00a0Lowe recommended finding an activity that won\u2019t cost<\/a> you and the debtor anything. Consider recommending something free to do in your area so that you two can have some fun without encouraging this individual to take on more debt.<\/p>\n

Related<\/em>: 7 Effective Ways to Control Your Debt<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

6. \u201cI\u2019ll pay for you to go.\u201d<\/h3>\n

Avoid offering to pay the debtor\u2019s way to something, Lowe advised, noting that the intentions are good, but doing so could have a negative consequence.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt feels demeaning to have someone else constantly pick up the tab,\u201d said Lowe.<\/p>\n

What to say instead: <\/strong>\u00a0In this case, Lowe again recommended finding something to do that doesn\u2019t cost any money. Help this person find alternatives that are realistic and suit his budget, whether it\u2019s finding something fun to do or looking for ways to improve an aspect of his life such as enrolling in a free class.<\/p>\n

7. \u201cDon\u2019t worry about your student loans.\u201d<\/h3>\n

According to Argue, a former boss gave her this advice, adding, \u201cThe government will pay them back in the future.\u201d But she said that the debtor must be responsible for the loans and suggested that he might go even deeper into debt<\/a> if he doesn\u2019t think he\u2019ll have to pay for it.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe person needs to take ownership of their financial decisions,\u201d said Argue. \u201cIf they don\u2019t, what\u2019s to stop them from getting further into the debt if they believe someone else will be responsible for it?\u201d<\/p>\n

What to say instead: <\/strong>\u00a0Argue advised helping this person find out how much he owes and then showing him the difference between paying the bare minimum for 30 or more years or \u201cstrapping up and knocking them out in less than 24 months.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe quicker they get in gear to paying off their debt, the faster they will be to financial freedom,\u201d said Argue.<\/p>\n

8. \u201c$20,000 in debt? Stop complaining; I had worse.\u201d<\/h3>\n

This statement would be like saying that this person shouldn\u2019t complain about the flood damage in his home because yours was damaged even worse by an earthquake. It wouldn\u2019t do anything to solve his problem and might sound uncaring.<\/p>\n

What to say instead:<\/strong> Consider showing a little more compassion and offer a solution to the debtor\u2019s crisis. Saying something like the following could be more helpful:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry to hear you\u2019re struggling. Perhaps there are other payment plans or solutions you can look into.\u201d<\/p>\n

9. \u201cI\u2019ll lend you the money.\u201d<\/h3>\n

You shouldn\u2019t offer a loan to a debtor because more borrowing is not good for this person, according to Lowe. She also said that loaning this person money could cause a problem between the two of you as well.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf your friend has already racked up a serious amount of debt, he is not going to necessarily have the skills to pay you back either, and then your friendship is going to hit the bricks,\u201d said Lowe.<\/p>\n

What to say instead: <\/strong>\u00a0\u201cInstead of giving money, give resources \u2014\u00a0books, classes, podcasts, blogs \u2014\u00a0that will help your friend get a better handle on their debt situation,\u201d said Lowe.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

9 Things You Shouldn\u2019t Say to Someone in Debt Do you know someone who is in debt? It wouldn\u2019t be surprising if you do. About a third of Americans with a credit file have debt in collections, according to a 2014 report by Urban Institute. Whether this person asks you for financial advice or the…<\/p>\n

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